Crush

Ruka

AN: hey everyone this is my third fanfic I have posted, I finally finished Happy Birthday Haruka part 2, so you can all read that if you want to, I hope you like it. I just wanted to say that I got this idea from an Ann Rice fanfic I read last night. I hope you all like it, if you have anything to say about it e-mail me I love to get e-mails.

    With a soft sigh, Haruka stepped out of the coffee house, her arm around Michiru’s shoulder as they walked slowly down the empty streets of Tokyo. Michiru smiled and laid her head against Haruka’s shoulder, Haruka held her close and continued to walk.

“ It’s a lovely night,” Michiru said softly as she looked up at the stars.

          Haruka merely nodded but said nothing and remained quiet. Michiru glanced at her, “ Is everything okay?” She questioned.

          Haruka looked down at her with soft eyes, “Of course, I suppose I’m just tired, it’s been a long day.”

          Michiru nodded with a smile and pulled closer to her. Haruka bent down and kissed her lover’s forehead softly, holding her close. They walked on in silence till getting to their house. Reluctantly, Haruka let go of Michiru and unlocked the door pushing it open she walked in. Michiru fallowed closing the door softly behind her. Michiru sighed and took off her light jacket she threw it over the back of a chair and collapsed into the softness of the couch. Haruka stood still looking over the house, she looked back and smiled at Michiru.

          Michiru leaned her head against one of the pillows and closed her eyes, her hand moving to rest upon her forehead. Haruka smiled again and grabbed a light blanket, she made her way to where Michiru was and laid down beside her placing the blanket over both of them. Michiru smiled and wrapped her arms around Haruka as she snuggled closer to her, laying her head on her lover’s chest. Haruka wrapped a loving arm around Michiru and closed her own eyes, drifting off into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~

          “ Uranus World Shacking!” Sailor Uranus yelled as she launched her attack towards the charging youma. The youma screamed as the attack hit it, it flew back hitting the wall behind it.

          Sailor Neptune looked up from where she was kneeling besides the victim, holding the heart crystal gently. She smiled slightly as Sailor Uranus hit the youma again, “ Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” She whispered to the unconscious man as she placed the heart crystal back inside of him.

“ Damn you!” The youma yelled as she ran towards Sailor Uranus, her claws extended to attempt ripping her apart.

          Sailor Uranus screamed as the youma clawed at her, using her remaining strength she kicked the youma back with all her force. The youma smiled evilly as she jumped back from the kick.

“ Uranus!” Sailor Neptune screamed as she ran to where Sailor Uranus kneeled, holding her side that was bleeding badly.

          Uranus looked up towards Neptune and smiled weakly, “ Be careful love.” She said with a soft voice as she forced herself to stand, her hand covered in blood from where she was clawed.

          Neptune smiled and turned her back to Uranus staring coldly at the youma, “You have a lot of nerve you know?” She said bitterly as she took a few steps toward the smirking youma.

“ Yes I know, but what are you going to do to me?” The youma asked casually as she looked at the blood on her claws.

          Neptune laughed softly, “ I’m sending you back to hell where you belong. Ready?” She stopped a few feet in front of the youma.

          “ We’ll see who’ll go to hell.” The youma laughed as she bared her claws towards Neptune.

“ Neptune, Deep Submerge!” She cried out.

“ Uranus World Shacking!” Uranus said along with Neptune, their attacks combing into one hitting the youma.

          Neptune turned her back to the youma and walked to the now recovered Uranus, “ You okay?” She asked softly as she returned her normal attire, as well as Uranus.

          “ Yeah I’m fine, it’s all ready healed.” Haruka said showing her the cut and sure enough the cut was healed.

“ Good.” Michiru said as she began to walk, Haruka followed taking the lead in front of Michiru.

          Haruka smiled as she turned the corner towards her car. She froze when she heard a terrible cry; turning pale she turned and ran around the corner. She collapsed to her knees at the sight before her; Michiru lie in a pool of her own blood, her skin a deadly pale, her eyes half open. The youma stood before her with a grin, it’s claws covered in blood.

          Tears pricked at Haruka’s eyes as she made her way to where Michiru lied, kneeling beside her she picked Michiru up. The youma leaned back it’s head and laughed, “ What’s the matter, did she mean so much to you?”

          Haruka froze in her tracks, kissing Michiru’s forehead she placed her down gently and turned to the youma, “ Come get me.” She said coldly.

          The youma looked at her then grinned, “ With pleasure.” She charged at Haruka with all the speed she had.

          Haruka dodged this easily and turned around again; taking out her sword she slashed the youma across the back. The youma let out a terrible cry and fell to her knees, she looked up at Haruka, “ Mercy.” She whispered.

“ You’ve hurt the one that means the most to me, their will be no mercy for you kind, not now and not ever!” She screamed as she jammed the sword into the Youma.

~~~~~~

          “ Miss Tenoh?” The doctor asked as he came towards Haruka.

          Haruka looked up from where she was sitting, her head in her hands, their where tears in her eyes. Setsuna was sitting next to Haruka, her arm around Haruka’s shoulder. “ Is she….” Haruka started but couldn’t finish, she looked away, “This is all my fault.”

“ Miss Tenoh, I’m afraid that…Miss Kaou did not make it. I’m sorry for your lose, I’m sure it was for the better though,” The doctor said slowly.

          Haruka collapsed onto the ground, barring her head in her hands. Setsuna held back tears and went down beside Haruka, holding her. Haruka wrapped her arms around Setsuna and cried on her shoulder she didn’t care who saw her she didn’t care what she must have looked like.

“ I’m so sorry,” The doctor said once again before walking away.

          “Michiru…” Haruka whispered in between her cries.

~~~~~~

(One Year Later)

          Haruka pushed past the few people that were walking the streets of Paris, why she was in Paris she didn’t really know, the rain was pouring down hard but Haruka didn’t care. She brushed back her wet bangs from her eyes and continued to walk. She sighed as she sat down on a bench, the streets were bare now, and there was no one there. She looked at her surroundings and frowned, Tokyo had really gone down lately that was probable the reason she had left. She sighed and leaned her head back against the cold bench. After a few minutes she looked back at the streets, she was about to turn away when something caught her attention from the corner of her eye. She turned her head to see a young woman running down the street, her dress soaked, her aqua hair was falling in streaks across her face, her mascara was running down her cheeks as she ran. Haruka got up from where she sat and took a better look at this woman, “ Michiru?” she whispered to herself.

          She watched until the woman turned a corner, then grabbing her jacket she ran after her following her. She watched from the shadows as the woman ran up the stairs and into an apartment. When she got there she turned on all the lights, evidently this woman did not like to be in the dark at all. After what seemed to be like forever the woman Haruka had followed walked out on her balcony, she had changed her clothes into a short white dress, her hair was pulled up.  She was holding a glass of champagne as she looked out at the stars it had stopped raining a few minutes ago. 

          Haruka took a deep breath and began to walk up the stairs towards this woman’s house. She paused outside her door for a moment then knocked softly.

“ Come in.” Came the soft call from the balcony.

          Haruka walked in, closing the door softly behind her. She looked to the balcony and watched as this woman came forward and stood in the doorway, she smiled at Haruka, “ Do I know you?” She asked softly.

“ N-no, I just well,” Haruka paused as she thought of what to say, “ You see a while back, I lost someone…someone very important to me, and well you look so much like her, it’s a miracle. I just wanted to see you for myself.”

          The woman nodded, “ Well…please sit down,” she motioned to a chair, “ Tell me about this someone, maybe I know her.”

          Haruka shook her head, “ No it’s not important, I really have to be going now.” She turned her back to this woman and opened the door.

“ Please wait!” The woman called out, Haruka turned her head to look at her, “ Your name, may I have it?” She asked.

“ Haruka, Haruka Tenoh. And…yours miss?” Haruka asked with a smile.

“ Saiai (it means beloved).” She said softly.

          Haruka nodded, “ It was a pleasure meeting you Saiai.” With this she turned and walked away.

~~~~~~

“ I found her!” Haruka exclaimed as she burst into Setsuna’s room.

“ Found who?” Setsuna asked with out looking up from her desk where she sat writing.

“ My angel, she’s just like Michiru in every way and form possible. She looked identically to her, she loves art and music, and she plays the cello. She’s just like her, Setsuna, it’s amazing!” Haruka said happily as she leaned against the wall looking at Setsuna, “ We’ve seen each other three times so far and I love her in every way possible!”

          Setsuna dropped her pen and looked up from where she sat, her voice was soft, “ Haruka…do not hurt this woman.”

          Haruka looked at Su-chan puzzled, “ Hurt? How and why would I do something like that? Your crazy Su-chan, you spend way to much time in your room writing.”

          Setsuna shook her head softly, “ Do not hurt this woman for loving her because she reminds you of Michiru. Do you even know her name?”

          “ Of course I do!” Haruka said, “ Her name’s Saiai.”

“ Then lover Saiai for who she is, not because she’s like Michiru. Do not hurt her,” She paused and stood up walking to Haruka. She took Haruka’s hand in hers, “ I’m telling you this because I don’t want to see you get hurt, I strongly advise you not to see her ever again. You will break this woman’s heart if you love her for being your Michiru. Forget about her, I will write her a letter explaining why you can not see her again if you want but do not, I repeat Haruka, do NOT go back to this woman’s house again, do you understand?”

          Haruka looked at Setsuna with astonishment, she took her hand slowly away, turning her head she spoke in a soft voice, “ Out of all the people I thought you would be the one to understand. But apparently you don’t. I love this woman because of the way she is, because she is herself not because she is like Michiru.”

          “ Haruka…” Setsuna said gently, “ Please this if for the best, try to understand me, do not go to her. You will get over her, it’s just a stupid crush, let it rest.”

          Haruka was silent as she turned from Setsuna slowly and left her room. She brushed a tear away quickly as it rolled down her cheek, “ She’s wrong, I love her because she’s her not because she’s Michiru.” She continued to walk on slowly, stopping only till she got her apartment.

          She walked in, slamming the door behind her. Haruka sighed and sat down in her chair, “ She’s right…” She murmured to herself, “ I’ll only hurt her by going back.

          And so for two months Haruka stayed away from Saiai, never calling, never going to see her, ignoring her calls, but still she thought of this woman. She thought of this image of her angel.

“ Go to her,” Setsuna said softly as she looked to Haruka.

          Haruka turned her head to look at Setsuna, “ What?” She asked casually. “ Go to who exactly?”

          Setsuna laughed, “ Go yo Saiai, you need to see her. You’ve been wanting to all these days yet you haven’t. I was wrong, if you wish to love her go ahead, but do not come to me when you hurt her or if she hurts you.”

          Haruka stood and hugged Setsuna, “ Thank you!” She said as she released Setsuna, Setsuna smiled and nodded.

          Haruka turned and ran out of the apartment running all the way to Saiai’s house. She opened the door softly with out knocking and walked in, her eyes scanning the room for Saiai. She found her soon sleeping on a couch.

“ Saiai,” Haruka gently called her name.

          She awoke quickly, and upon seeing it was Haruka, rushed straight into her open arms. How could have Haruka stayed away? She stroked her hair aqua hair gently as she held her. Haruka could see in Saiai’s eyes that she still loved her, “Saiai, Mon amour,” Haruka murmured into her hair, "Vous êtes vraiment un ange."

          She looked up at Haruka with huge blue eyes, “ Haruka I love you. Please, never leave me again. I beg of you.” Her words nearly broke Haruka’s heart.

          Haruka wanted to hold her in her arms until the end of time. And so began their romance.

          Haruka lavished attention on her anything Saiai wanted was hers. Some nights they would go to operas, even fashion shows, for her sake and some nights they would just stay in reading and talking to each other.

          For some weeks this relationship went on, neither of them knew how long exactly. All thoughts of Hotaru and Setsuna where taken from Haruka’s mind and replaced with thoughts of Saiai. They were happy together for about four months until Saiai asked the question that ruined them.

“ This other one, the one you spoke of when you first meet me, what was she like? And why do you love me?” Saiai asked Haruka as she sat out on the balcony in Haruka’s arms.

          Haruka tensed, “ Well she…she was exactly like you, in every shape way and from. The same aqua hair, the same love for music and arts, everything.”

          “ Oh…” she said softly, she said nothing more but was silent after that and slightly distant.

          This was all Haruka heard about it for two weeks, it was a night when they were at an opera Saiai had wished to see that she brought it up again. “ Haruka, will you still love me when I bear you little doll’s face no more? Will you love me when I’m old and no longer look like Michiru?” She whispered in Haruka’s ear.

          Haruka closed her eyes she could see were this was going. She knew that Saiai had not been happy that night two weeks ago when she had told her about Michiru. Surprisingly though, she said nothing more about it and watched the opera in silence.

          When they got to her apartment, she started again, “ What would you want with an old tattered doll? You’d through it away would you not?” She was of course speaking of what she would look like when she was older and no longer resembled Michiru anymore.

          Haruka shook her head, “ No dear, I would love it and take care of it.” Haruka said softly as she looked at Saiai.

          “ But how do you know, Haruka? Your last doll never got a chance to grow old now did she?” Saiai asked coldly. She must have seen the pain in Haruka’s face for as soon as she said it she regretted it. She rushed to Haruka and embraced her.

"Oh, Haruka, I am sorry, that was beyond cruel. Can you forgive me?"

          Haruka sighed and ran a hand threw her hair, such sweet innocence she held in her arms now. “ Of course I forgive you, Saiai. You should know that by now.”

~~~~~~

          When Haruka arrived at Saiai’s apartment the next night, she saw Saiai looking into the silver mirror she had bought for her. She didn’t look up when Haruka crept behind her and kissed her on the cheek.

“ Haruka, exactly what features do I share with, Michiru?” She looked up at Haruka with spite in her eyes, “My eyes, they'll get wrinkles, Haruka. They'll fade from the dark blue they are now, you know. And my skin, it will not always be so smooth."  

          Haruka shook her head and went to sit in a chair. * Why now? Why did it have to start now? * Haruka thought to herself. Saiai stood and walked to stand in front of Haruka.

“ Take a good look, Haruka. I will not be young and beautiful for forever, I will not be your Michiru for forever!” She hissed.

          Haruka stood up and glared at her. “ Saiai you know that I love you for who you are not for your looks! I will love you forever but NOT BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE MY ANGEL!” she screamed at Saiai.

          Saiai’s eyes filled with fright as she watched Haruka scream at her and she backed away. Haruka could not bear to see the hurt on her face, the pain, but instead of comforting her, she left.

          That was one of the most foolish thing's Haruka ever did and she knew this. If she had stayed with her, calmed and reassured her she might have been able to get this idea out of her head, make her see that she truly valued her. But instead, she left her to her insecurities and fears, and only made them worse.

          It continued like this for weeks. Fights got worse and all they seemed to do was scream at each other.

 “Am I just a plaything for you?” She screamed at Haruka, “ Just a toy to throw away? I hate you, Haruka! I hate you!"

Haruka hung her head, tears soaking her cheeks as she tried to explain that she had it all wrong. Haruka knew that she didn't hate her, that she all but worshiped her, but those words ate at the core of Haruka, hurt something deep inside. Why couldn't Saiai understand?

Then one night, it just got too much to bear. Haruka truly believed that she had drove Saiai mad. Saiai was paranoid and obsessed with old age and how Haruka would feel about her then. Haruka could still feel her love for her, but it was covered with her fear of growing old and being hated for not looking like Michiru. Every night it was the same thing, screaming fights, hysterical sobbing. Haruka’s poor Saiai was completely out of control. She eventually decided that the best thing to do would be to leave Saiai.

It hurt Haruka incredible to do this, but she had to, so she left. She moved far away back to Tokyo. She had thought Saiai would understand, but she didn’t, she couldn’t. Instead she let into the madness. Haruka returned to Setsuna, her only true friend.

She didn’t know why she went to Setsuna; it was like she was admitting her defeat to her. Like she was telling Setsuna that she was wrong and she was right. But she was lost, and broken, and deeply hurt by her experience, and really had no were else to turn. She always went to Setsuna like this. When she was lost hurt and empty, she normally would go to Michiru but well…

Haruka showed up on Setsuna’s doorstep, ragged and worn out. She had practically been crying ever since she had left Saiai. Setsuna opened the door, but only seeing it was Haruka she turned and went back to watching her movie.

“ So my errant friend returns at last eh? How was your play thing, Ruka?” Setsuna’s voice held venom to it.

          Haruka sighed and sat down next to Setsuna on the couch. She held back tears and barred her head in her hands. Setsuna looked at her and realized that she was about to cry; she frowned and wrapped her arms around her. “ Haruka…I told you.”

“ Why didn’t you stop me?” Haruka mumbled as she leaned against Setsuna.

“ What?!” Setsuna scoffed, “ I tried to! I told you that you would hurt her, and I was right was I not? You never listened to me nor did you listen to Michiru!” The venom was back in full force now.

          Haruka looked at her and was furious, “ And you call yourself a friend?” She stood up and began to pace, “ You told me to go to her! You lousy bitch!”

          It was Setsuna’s turn to jump up. She grabbed Haruka by her shoulders and forced her to look at her, “ I was trying to stop you! But you didn’t listen; I didn’t want you to get hurt, Haruka! I love you, and you know that.”

          Haruka paused and collapsed to her knees, “ Setsuna…” she whispered as she barred her head in her hands.

          Setsuna sighed and kneeled down beside Haruka holding her gently in her arms, “ I love you Haruka.” She whispered in her ear.

          Haruka nodded softly and hugged Setsuna holding her. They laid together by the fire in each other’s arms, Haruka in the arms of the one who truly loved her and she truly loved, not because she reminded her of another. All thoughts of Saiai left Haruka’s mind then.

          Haruka and Setsuna lived happily. For a while at least. Thoughts of Saiai were still in Haruka’s mind, she still felt love for her, and sorrow. Of course Haruka felt guilty about leaving her in the state she was in, but every time she mentioned that perhaps she should go see her, Setsuna would discourage her, saying it would be the worst thing possible for her, that Haruka should just let Saiai heal. Truly though, Haruka did not want to leave Setsuna, not when things were so perfect. But thoughts of Saiai were never far from Haruka’s mind.

“ Setsuna, do you think we could go to Paris?” She asked with a smile.

“ Why? Are you planning to go see Saiai again?” Setsuna asked as she narrowed her eyes looking at her.

          Haruka laughed softly, “ Of course not. Besides I’ll be with you every night, you won’t be able to let me sneak away anyway.”

          Setsuna sighed, “ Fine Haruka. If you want to go to Paris we’ll go to Paris.”

~~~~~~

          But staying in Paris hurt more then Haruka thought it would. Every street, every café, every theatre held some precious memory of Haruka and Saiai’s time together. After about a week, Setsuna was getting sick of Haruka’s melancholia and suggested that they leave.  They were sitting in their hotel room, the furthest one they could find from Saiai's apartment, and Haruka was about to agree when very distinctively she heard “her” voice calling her name. She spun around, trying to find where it was coming from, but quickly realized that it was in her head.

          Setsuna’s eyes narrowed, “ What is it Haruka?” She was watching Haruka intently.

“ Saiai! She’s calling me in my head, she’s hurt!” Haruka exclaimed. Setsuna rolled her eyes at this but would not look at Haruka.

          Setsuna sighed, “ Pack your things Haruka, we’re leaving tonight.” Haruka went to do this but froze as she heard her name being called again by Saiai. Saiai was in pain she was panicking!

“ Setsuna I have to go to her! She’s hurt!” She said again throwing her hands around to emphasize her point.

“ Haruka we are leaving, pack your stuff now!” Setsuna urged as she took Haruka by the shoulders and pushed her along.

          Haruka stopped and looked at Setsuna shocked, “ You can hear her too can’t you?”

          Setsuna paused then sighed and let Haruka, “ If you must go to her then go, if you must choose her over me again then so be it, Haruka.” She said softly.

“ Setsuna don’t be like this! I love you, you know that but I need to make sure she’s okay!” Haruka said softly as she took Setsuna in her arms.

          Setsuna sighed, “ She’s dieing. She’s in her bathtub, her wrists are slit, she’s not worth saving Haruka!”

          Haruka’s eyes filled with fright, “ Setsuna…” She sighed and turned running out of the hotel room.

“ Go to your Michiru.” She hissed as she watched Haruka go, but Haruka’s mind was in a frenzy as she ran to Saiai.

          She ran up the room and into Saiai’s apartment. Images of Michiru clouded her mind; she wasn’t going to let her die again! She ran into the bathroom and gasped at the sight; so much blood, it was amazing that she was still alive. Haruka gulped and lifted her out of the bathtub wrapping a towel around her she ran to the nearest hospital (which was luckily just down the street).

~~~~~~

          Haruka sighed as she waiting in the waiting room of the hospital, her fingers drumming against the arm of her chair. She stood up as a doctor walked to her, he smiled, “ Miss Tenoh. Saiai is fine she’ll be okay. You can come and see her now.”

          Haruka let out a sigh of relief and walked into Saiai’s room, she smiled at the sight of her. Saiai sat up and hugged Haruka as she came closer to her, Haruka tensed and Saiai let go, “ Haruka?”

          Haruka sighed and took Saiai’s hand, “ Listen to me, darling. I love you with all my heart, but I have come to realize that no matter what I do, I love you because you are my Michiru in my eyes. I wanted to finish my life with you as my Michiru; I clouded my heart and insisted that you were she. I’m so sorry but I can not bear to see you anymore, I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt me either, and when I’m around you, I’m in pain, Saiai.”

          Saiai’s eyes filled with tears, “ Haruka…don’t leave me, please I can’t live with out you.”

          Haruka shook her head, “ But you can, it is I who can not live with or with out you.”

          Saiai took her hand away and turned her head, “ I guess this is goodbye…” She spoke softly and quietly.

          Haruka nodded, “ Yes it is…I’m sorry for the pain that I have caused you.” With this she turned and left Saiai never to returned again.

          Haruka never saw or heard of Saiai again, she visited Setsuna many times and they returned to their normal ways, best friends but nothing more, like things were meant to be. And so things go on much the same as before. Haruka is alone again, often left to her racing, often thinking of Setsuna, always thinking of Michiru, and always thinking of her love with Saiai. And through threw all the coldness and despair, the pain that she had gone threw with Michiru and the one she wanted to be Michiru, she knew that nothing would stop her from loving either of them, though her love for Michiru was greater, for her love for Michiru was an eternal love, through life and death.